bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
