my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
