Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

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(717): Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up. http://tfl.nu/3bej

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(515): View more from Iowa

Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.

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(515): Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas. http://tfl.nu/4rik

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(248): View more from Michigan

We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.

(440): View more from Ohio

I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.

(248): View more from Michigan

Playoffs. This shit is serious.

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(248): We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight. (440): I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over. (248): Playoffs. This shit is serious. http://tfl.nu/txqi

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(503): View more from Oregon

There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.

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(503): There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday. http://tfl.nu/i12b

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.

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(814): I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was. http://tfl.nu/qrct

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(937): View more from Ohio

Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.

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(937): Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not. http://tfl.nu/7iqg

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(309): View more from Illinois

The "puke-towel" started to grow something...

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(309): The "puke-towel" started to grow something... http://tfl.nu/d1rv

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(720): View more from Colorado

Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?

(303): View more from Colorado

He told her it was international road head day.

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(720): Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min? (303): He told her it was international road head day. http://tfl.nu/xtw8

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(347): View more from New York

i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.

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(347): i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick. http://tfl.nu/65g9

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(501): View more from Arkansas

eta to your mouth 5 minutes

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(501): eta to your mouth 5 minutes http://tfl.nu/vxef

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?

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(780): Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off? http://tfl.nu/9svp

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(708): View more from Illinois

what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?

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(708): what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in? http://tfl.nu/gh3z

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(650): View more from California

Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.

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(650): Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget. http://tfl.nu/sye0

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(714): View more from California

No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.

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(714): No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/hejd

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.

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(570): I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned. http://tfl.nu/u9a7

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