she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.