She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.