God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?