Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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