K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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