Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize