I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
