i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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