Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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