Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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