the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
