I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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