I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
