This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize