Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar