if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This couple is walking their pig around campus