Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.