Your face is a jimmy john
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.