I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
