these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.