Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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