he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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