Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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