I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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