i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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