He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
