I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
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Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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