Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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