You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
