she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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