Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
