omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
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When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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