If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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