I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ugly people sure do ruin things
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
