A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
