She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The Olympian is in my bed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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