Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
