I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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