ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize