He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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