My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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