Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
