I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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