turn off your phone and go to bed
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?