This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night