I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.