in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY