These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.