You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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