i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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