nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
