Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
