Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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