You're my little dorito
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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