..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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