lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
