so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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