she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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